Quotes by Mark Twain

quotes by Mark Twain

Best 2359 Quotes by Mark Twain

age is an issue of m quote by mark twain

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)
truth is stranger th quote by mark twain

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)
if you tell the trut quote by mark twain

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)
courage is resistanc quote by mark twain

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)
the fear of death fo quote by mark twain

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When in doubt tell the truth.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I never let schooling interfere with my education.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

We have the best government that money can buy.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Buy land, they're not making it anymore.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It put our energies to sleep and made visionaries of us - dreamers and indolent... It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich - these are wholesome; but to begin it prospectively rich! The man who has not experienced it cannot imagine the curse of it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Do not tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.'

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There are lies, damned lies and statistics.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

All right, then, I'll go to hell.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Humor is tragedy plus time.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

You gwyne to have considerable trouble in yo' life, en considerable joy. Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick; but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Which is him?" The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A hypocritical businessman, whose fortune had been the misfortune of many others, told Mark Twain piously, "Before I die I intend to make a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. I want to climb to the top of Mount Sinai and read the Ten Commandments aloud." "I have a better idea," suggested TwainWhy don't you stay right at home in Boston and keep them?"

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Dance like no one's watching, live every day like it's your last and love like you've never been hurt. Mark Twain"

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The stranger's first feeling, when suddenly confronted by that towering and awful apparition wrapped in its shroud of snow, is breath-taking astonishment. It is as if heaven's gates had swung open and exposed the throne. (Twain on seeing the Jungfrau.)"

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

ALL of Mark Twain's! Just go to his quote page - https://www.goodreads.com/author/quot..."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Mark Twain describes how his friend Ralph Keeler introduced him at the start of a lecture: " 'I don't know anything about this man. At least I know only two things; one is, he hasn't been in the penitentiary, and the other is (after a pause, and almost sadly), I don't know why."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Mark Twain, cynical about so much else, has a particular reverence in the Holy Land for "sitting where a god has stood". What flabbergasted him was that his traveling companions would be in such a sanctified environment and winter what they saw according to other writers or their denominational background instead their own experience with the holy."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Love Mark Twain! Here is one from him:"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint."Yep!Succinct! rest my case, why he is my all time favourite!"

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

So I learned then, that gold in it's native state is but dull, unornamental stuff, and that only low-born metals excite the admiration of the ignorant with an ostentatious glitter. However, like the rest of the world, I still go underrating men of gold and glorifying men of mica. Commonplace human nature cannot rise above that."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

If your mother tells you to do a thing, it is wrong to reply that you won't. It is better and more becoming to intimate that you will do as she bids you, and then afterward act quietly in the matter according to the dictates of your best judgment."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Darwin abolished special creations, contributed the Origin of Species and hitched all life together in one unbroken procession."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

But they (the infantry) had no use for boys of twelve and thirteen, and before I had a chance in another war, the desire to kill people to whom I had not been introduced had passed away."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Courage is not the absence of fear, but the mastery of it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There are no accidents, all things have a deep and calculated purpose; sometimes the methods employed by Providence seem strange and incongruous, but we have only to be patient and wait for the result: then we recognize that no others would have answered the purpose, and we are rebuked and humbled.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart-a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

No public interest is anything other or nobler than a massed accumulation of private interests.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I admire the serene assurance of those who have religious faith. It is wonderful to observe the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race. He brought death into the world.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Adam did not want the apple for the apple's sake; he wanted it because it was forbidden.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

So much blood has been shed by the Church because of an omission from the Gospel: "Ye shall be indifferent as to what your neighbor's religion is." Not merely tolerant of it, but indifferent to it. Divinity is claimed for many religions; but no religion is great enough or divine enough to add that new law to its code.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When you catch an adjective, kill it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

As to the adjective: when in doubt, strike it out.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

You need not expect to get your book right the first time. Go to work and revamp or rewrite it. God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention. These are God's adjectives. You thunder and lightning too much; the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I am dead to adverbs; they cannot excite me. To misplace an adverb is a thing which I am able to do with frozen indifference; it can never give me a pang. There are subtleties which I cannot master at all - they confuse me, they mean absolutely nothing to me - and this adverb plague is one of them.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A public library is the most enduring of memorials, the trustiest monument for the preservation of an event or a name or an affection; for it, and it only, is respected by wars and revolutions, and survives them.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It{California} is the land where the fabled Aladdin's Lamp lies buried-and she {San Francisco} is the new Aladdin who shall seize it from its obscurity and summon the genie and command him to crown her with power and greatness and bring to her feet the hoarded treasures of the earth.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Mine was a trained Presbyterian conscience and knew but the one duty - to hunt and harry its slave upon all pretexts and on all occasions, particularly when there was no sense nor reason in it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

You try to tell me anything about the newspaper business! Sir, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There is probably no pleasure equal to the pleasure of climbing a dangerous Alp; but it is a pleasure which is confined strictly to people who can find pleasure in it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificiant by and by. The Alps and the glaciers together are able to take every bit of conceit out of a man and reduce his self-importance to zero if he will only remain within the influence of their sublime presence long enough to give it a fair and reasonable chance to do its work.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't...The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

All war must be just the killing of strangers against whom you feel no personal animosity; strangers whom, in other circumstances, you would help if you found them in trouble, and who would help you if you needed it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Annihilation has no terrors for me, because I have already tried it before I was born --a hundred million years --and I have suffered more in an hour, in this life, than I remember to have suffered in the whole hundred million years put together.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The easy part of being an artist is figuring out the message that everyone else is ready to hear. The hard part is waiting for the proper lull to make the announcement.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There will never be a "perfect" time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you had started today one year ago, this would not even be an issue for you today! Don't waste another year!

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I have been reading the morning paper. I do it every morning-knowing well that I shall find in it the usual depravities and basenesses and hypocrisies and cruelties that make up civilization, and cause me to put in the rest of the day pleading for the damnation of the human race. I cannot seem to get my prayers answered, yet I do not despair.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I know the look of an apple that is roasting and sizzling on the hearth on a winter's evening, and I know the comfort that comes of eating it hot, along with some sugar and a drench of cream... I know how the nuts taken in conjunction with winter apples, cider, and doughnuts, make old people's tales and old jokes sound fresh and crisp and enchanting.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four..

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Whatever thing men call great, look for it in Joan of Arc, and there you will find it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The convention missionaries call "modesty" has no standard, and cannot have one, because it is opposed to nature and reason and is therefore an artificiality and subject to anybody's whim - anybody's diseased caprice.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

We are strange beings, we seem to go free, but we go in chains - chains of training, custom, convention, association, environment - in a word, Circumstance, and against these bonds the strongest of us struggle in vain.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When I'm playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the Atlantic Ocean for whales. I scratch my head with the lightning and purr myself to sleep with the thunder.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A big leather-bound volume makes an ideal razorstrap. A thing book is useful to stick under a table with a broken caster to steady it. A large, flat atlas can be used to cover a window with a broken pane. And a thick, old-fashioned heavy book with a clasp is the finest thing in the world to throw at a noisy cat.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The air up there in the clouds is very pure and fine, bracing and delicious. And why shouldn't it be?--it is the same the angels breathe.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It's awful undermining to the intellect, German is; you want to take it in small doses, or first you know your brains all run together, and you feel them flapping around in your head same as so much drawn butter.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A baby is an angel whose wings decrease as his legs increase.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A man may have no bad habits and have worse

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The bane of Americans is overwork-and the ruin of any work is a divided interest. Concentrate-concentrate. One thing at a time.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The banging and slamming and booming and crashing were something beyond belief. [On Lohengrin]

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn't.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When you want genuine music -- music that will come right home to you like a bad quarter, suffuse your system like strychnine whisky, go right through you like Brandreth's pills, ramify your whole constitution like the measles, and break out on your hide like the pin-feather pimples on a picked goose, -- when you want all this, just smash your piano, and invoke the glory-beaming banjo!

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Never be haughty to the humble, never be humble to the haughty.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful day of your life.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Sometimes my feelings are so hot that I have to take the pen and put them out on paper to keep them from setting me afire inside; then all that ink and labor are wasted because I can't print the results

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

What's your name?" "Becky Thatcher. What's yours? Oh, I know. It's Thomas Sawyer." "That's the name they lick me by. I'm Tom when I'm good. You call me Tom, will you?" "Yes

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Sing like no one is listening, LOVE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HURT, dance like nobody's watcbing, and live like it's heaven on earth.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A religion that comes of thought, and study, and deliberate conviction, sticks best. The revivalized convert who is scared in the direction of heaven because he sees hell yawn suddenly behind him, not only regains confidence when his scare is over, but is ashamed of himself for being scared, and often becomes more hopelessly and malignantly wicked than he was before.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

To us, our house was not unsentient matter -- it had a heart, and a soul, and eyes to see us with; and approvals and solicitudes and deep sympathies; it was of us, and we were in its confidence, and lived in its grace and in the peace of its benediction.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Intellectual food is like any other; it is pleasanter and more beneficial to take it with a spoon than a shovel.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

You can go to heaven if you want. I'd rather stay in Bermuda.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Only he who has seen better days and lives to see better days again knows their full value.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

After a few months' acquaintance with European 'coffee' one's mind weakens, and his faith with it, and he begins to wonder if the rich beverage of home, with it's clotted layer of yellow cream on top of it, is not a mere dream after all, and a thing which never existed.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral. They say the Sultan has eight hundred wives. This almost amounts to bigamy.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

First catch your Boer, then kick him.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron, granite; facts, reasonings, arguments have no more effect upon it than the idle winds have upon Gibraltar.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking. And out of it we get an aggregation which we consider a boon. Its name is public opinion. It is held in reverence. Some think it the voice of God.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with commoner things. It is chief of this world'd luxuries, king by grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve took: we know it because she repented.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

In Boston they ask, how much does he know? In New York, how much is he worth? In Philadelphia, who were his parents?

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The humorist who invented trial by jury played a colossal practical joke upon the world, but since we have the system we ought to try and respect it. A thing which is not thoroughly easy to do, when we reflect that by command of the law a criminal juror must be an intellectual vacuum, attached to a melting heart and perfectly macaronian bowels of compassion.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When grown-up persons indulge in practical jokes, the fact gauges them. They have lived narrow, obscure, and ignorant lives, and at full manhood they still retain and cherish a job lot of left-over standards and ideals that would have been discarded with their boyhood if they had then moved out into the world and a broader life.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Your road is everything that a road ought to be...and yet you will not stay in it half a mile, for the reason that little, seductive, mysterious roads are always branching out from it on either hand, and as these curve sharply also and hide what is beyond, you cannot resist the temptation to desert your own chosen path and explore them.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss SLOWLY. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The [Kodak is] the only witness I have encountered in my long experience that I couldn't bribe.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I am content to be a bric-a-bracker and a Ceramiker.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

For a male person bric-a-brac hunting is about as robust a business as making doll-clothes.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Broad, wholesome, charitable views .. can not be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of the earth.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Nearly all black and brown skins are beautiful, but a beautiful white skin is rare.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I told you this would happen. But, no, you had to go for the buffet, didn't you?

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is better to be a young June-bug than an old bird of paradise.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

What a man sees in the human race is merely himself in the deep and honest privacy of his own heart. Byron despised the race because he despised himself. I feel as Byron did, and for the same reason.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

He is useless on top of the ground; he ought to be under it, inspiring the cabbages.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

We have an insanity plea that would have saved Cain.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

My mind changes often ... People who have no mind can easily be steadfast and firm, but when a man is loaded down to the guards with it, as I am, every heavy sea of foreboding or inclination, maybe of indolence, shifts the cargo.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

That is their way, those plagues, those scientists - peg, peg, peg - dig, dig, dig - plod, plod, plod. I wish I could catch a cargo of them for my place; it would be an economy. Yes, for years, you see. They never give up. Patience, hope, faith, perseverance; it is the way of all the breed.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I have no race prejudices, and I think I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being-that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When a man loves cats, I am his friend and comrade, without further introduction.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The catfish is Plenty good enough fish for anyone

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The only certainties in life are death and taxes.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change place with an easy and blesses facility, and we are soon wonted to the change and happy in it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Epitaphs are cheap, and they do a poor chap a world of good after he is dead, especially if he had hard luck while he was alive. I wish they were used more.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is hopeless for the occasional visitor to try to keep up with Chicago-she outgrows his prophecies faster than he can make them. She is always a novelty; for she is never the Chicago you saw when you passed through the last time.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Satan (impatiently) to Newcomer: The trouble with you Chicago people is, that you think you are the best people down here; whereas you are merely the most numerous.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The Book of Mormon is chloroform in print

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board...

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Next you'd see a raft sliding by, away off yonder, and maybe a galoot on it chopping. . . you'd see the ax flash and come down-you don't hear nothing; you see the ax go up again, and by the time it's above the man's head then you hear the k'chunk!-it had took all that time to come over the water.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I have only one moral precept; never smoke more than five cigars at a time.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

No one can tell me what is a good cigar - for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution. Take the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will find she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the pencil, you will say that she did it with her teeth.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Citizenship is what makes a republic - monarchies can get along without it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When a person is accustomed to one hundred and thirty-eight in the shade, his ideas about cold weather are not valuable.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Weather is a literary specialty, and no untrained hand can turn out a good article on it

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

If I were required to guess off-hand, and without collusion with higher minds, what is the bottom cause of the amazing material and intellectual advancement of the last fifty years, I should guess that it was the modern-born and previously non-existent disposition on the part of men to believe that a new idea can have value.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There is no such thing as a new idea. It is impossible. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope. We give them a turn and they make new and curious combinations. We keep on turning and making new combinations indefinitely; but they are the same old pieces of colored glass that have been in use through all the ages.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Comedy keeps the heart sweet.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

We have not all had the good fortune to be ladies. We have not all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Comparison is the death of joy.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement. To condense the diffused light of a page of thought into the luminous flash of a single sentence, is worthy to rank as a prize composition just by itself...Anybody can have ideas--the difficulty is to express them without squandering a quire of paper on an idea that ought to be reduced to one glittering paragraph.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The blunting effects of slavery upon the slaveholder's moral perceptions are known and conceded the world over; and a priveleged class, an aristocracy, is but a band of slaveholders under another name.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Fleas can be taught nearly anything a congressman can.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The lightning there is peculiar; it is so convincing, that when it strikes a thing it doesn't leave enough of that thing behind for you to tell whether-Well, you'd think it was something valuable, and a Congressman had been there.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

What, then, is the true Gospel of consistency? Change. Who is the really consistent man? The man who changes. Since change is the law of his being, he cannot be consistent if he stick in a rut.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

I am persuaded that the world has been tricked into adopting some false and most pernicious notions about consistency - and to such a degree that the average man has turned the rights and wrongs of things entirely around and is proud to be "consistent," unchanging, immovable, fossilized, where it should be his humiliation.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A street in Constantinople is a picture which one ought to see once-not oftener.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

All human rules are more or less idiotic.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A good memory and a tongue tied in the middle is a combination which gives immortality to conversation.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A man accustomed to American food and American domestic cookery would not starve to death suddenly in Europe, but I think he would gradually waste away, and eventually die.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Give an Irishman lager for a month and he's a dead man. An Irishman's stomach is lined with copper, and the beer corrodes it. But whiskey polishes the copper and is the saving of him.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

If a spectacle is going to be particularly imposing I prefer to see it through somebody else's eyes, because that man will always exaggerate. Then I can exaggerate his exaggeration, and my account of the thing will be the most impressive.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any FIRST AND FOREMOST object but one -- to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for HIMSELF.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Great things can happen when you don't care who gets the credit.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Rags, wretchedness, poverty and dirt, those signs and symbols that indicate the presence of [Muslim] rule more surely than the crescent-flag itself, abound.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The critic's symbol should be the tumble-bug: he deposits his egg in somebody else's dung, otherwise he could not hatch it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Warm summer sun, shine kindly here. Warm southern wind, blow softly here. Green sod above, lie light, lie light. Good night, dear Heart, Good night, good night.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The darling mispronunciations of childhood! - dear me, there's no music that can touch it; and how one grieves when it wastes away and dissolves into correctness, knowing it will never visit his bereaved ear again.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Delicacy - a sad, sad false delicacy - robs literature of the two best things among its belongings: Family-circle narratives & obscene stories.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckle headedness - and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It now seems plain to me that that theory ought to be vacated in favor of a new and truer one...the Descent of Man from the Higher Animals.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is a time when one's spirit is subdued and sad, one knows not why; when the past seems a storm-swept desolation, life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

We despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

To lodge all power in one party and keep it there is to insure bad government and the sure and gradual deterioration of the public morals.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

She kept up her compliments, and I kept up my determination to deserve them or die.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Begin with the determination to succeed and the work is half done already.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Our inner strengths, experiences, and truths cannot be lost, destroyed, or taken away. Every person has an inborn worth and can contribute to the human community. We all can treat one another with dignity and respect, provide opportunities to grow toward our fullest lives and help one another discover and develop our unique gifts. We each deserve this and we all can extend it to others.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy - give one and take ten

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Each man is afraid of his neighbor's disapproval - a thing which, to the general run of the human race, is more dreaded than wolves and death.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is often the case that a man who can't tell a lie thinks he is the best judge of one.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Independence-is loyalty to one's best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself; in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Figures don't lie, but liars figure.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The altar cloth of one aeon is the doormat of the next.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

The Mississippi River towns are comely, clean, well built, and pleasing to the eye, and cheering to the spirit. The Mississippi Valley is as reposeful as a dreamland, nothing worldly about it . . . nothing to hang a fret or a worry upon.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. To live a fulfilled life, we need to keep creating the "what is next", of our lives. Without dreams and goals there is no living, only merely existing, and that is not why we are here.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Whiskey is for drinking; water is for fighting over.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

But we love the Old Travelers. We love to hear them prate and drivel and lie.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is a mistake that there is no bath that will cure people's manners, but drowning would help.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

Rise early. It is the early bird that catches the worm. Don't be fooled by this absurd law; I once knew a man who tried it. He got up at sunrise and a horse bit him.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)

It is easier to stay out than get out.

Mark Twain (Source: SoberSides.com)